My Powerful Guilt

A recent story reminds me of my own early days of jerking,  but with a few differences. You mentioned "guilt." I had conflicting emotions about masturbation. I knew that it was not dangerous and probably not sinful nor immoral which my church leaders wanted all of us boys to believe. No, my guilt was the shame of doing anything in secret.

Until I discovered masturbation I had nothing worth keeping secret from my parents. In our family we all (me, 2 sisters and our parents) talked about stuff out in the open. For instance one of my sisters had a friend who got pregnant and we hashed that over for weeks, including the fact that a female had to be impregnated by the action of a male. But every time I jacked off I had an uncomfortable feeling that I was a bad boy just by keeping it a secret.

As far as having masturbation partners, that was also part of the secret. If I ever decided to tell on myself, should I mention other guys or only my own habit? I asked myself if I should say to my father, "By the way, I jacked off  with Leroy on the way home this afternoon. We hid in all those bushes at the end of Mrs. McDonald's driveway. He came first and then tickled my balls while I came.

It was preposterous! I knew I could never tell them anything like that, so I felt guilt on account of keeping something to myself, but no guilt over pumping my dick whenever I needed to.

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