At What Age do you Know?

Here is one that may get some people digging deep into their thoughts.

-e-

I have been thinking back on the ages of guys that were my friends or buddies over the years. One in particular seems really strange to me, and makes me worry about myself.

Did anybody else go through a period of liking somebody who was (to be blunt) old and unattractive, and feeling perfectly at ease with them for a while?

Here is how things have worked for me so far:

Age 10 - my friend who lived in the house behind us was the first guy I did nasty things with.

Age 14 - I learned how to jack off. The same friend was my buddy for a while but he started liking girls. Grrr..

Age 18 - Graduated from HS (private school, all grades) with few friends an no sex partners of my own age. During HS I had "masturbation encounters" only with boys younger than me (boys from school and church who had not discovered girls). My best friend during high school was a middle-age elementary teacher at my school, an overweight and effeminate single man. We hung out together a lot but there was no sexual element.

College - tried to make buddies with young teens (as before, the ones who were not quite at the age of discovering heterosexuality). Not comfortable about the age difference and was basically a sexual loner.

Age 20 - Came home for the summer and ran into my friend the fat old elementary teacher. We hung out together and surprisingly became intimate (I initiated it). We had a relaxed on-and-off relationship for several years whenever I would come back to town, despite the fact that he was getting into his late fifties.

Age 22 - Discovered "cruising" at public restrooms. I tricked with the youngest guys possible - nobody my own age or beyond.

Age 30 - Deeply resented old men who showed up at the places where I cruised.

Age 35 - the old elementary teacher died, in his sixties by then. When I went to his funeral and looked at him in the coffin, I was totally nauseated about having messed with an old troll - despite the fact that we had been very good friends.

Today - I live alone but have a "friend" who is about 20 years younger than me.

Was something wrong with me for having an old man as my partner for several years when I was young? Why does the thought of getting old freak me out so bad?

Call me "X"