A Family Legacy

  I was 11 when a friend told me about jerking off. After a few weeks I had figured out that for me the most pleasurable way to do it was to rub my skinned-back stiffie against the bedsheet. So just about every night I would climb into bed, rub one out against the sheet, and fall asleep.

  Eventually, of course, I started to ejaculate, which caused me some concern until I realized that because I was completely responsible for stripping, washing, storing and replacing my own bedclothes, nobody would ever see the stains. So for several years I carelessly soaked the sheets.

  Fast-forward twenty years or so. My daughter has outgrown her crib, and my parents are giving us my old furniture. My wife and I are in my old bedroom - I am emptying the chest of drawers while she strips the bed. Suddenly she taps me on the shoulder, makes a face and points at the mattress. It is covered with brown stains that merge toward the center into one almost black discolored mass. I lift my eyebrows ans shrug my shoulders to convey the impression that I certainly have no idea what my parents did to make such a foul-looking mess.

  Later, as we are loading the rented truck, my wife thanks my parents again for the furniture, but says that we won't be taking the mattress. For a moment I am worried that my mother - for whom the word "ditzy" was invented - will blurt out something like "But why? It's only your husband's stains!" But all she says is, "Yes, that mattress is really old, you should get a new one for your little one.

Anonymous